When Our Eyes Roll: TV and the Perpetuation of Bad Theology

Your facepalm TV moment of the week comes to you courtesy of April Kepner (Sarah Drew) on the latest instalment of Grey's Anatomy (ever the bastion of intelligent commentary): "I was a virgin because I love Jesus; now Jesus hates me."

Ugh, Chagrin.

Always nice to hear that a TV Christian who believes in her faith enough to stay a virgin into her late twenties (presumably?) could get through university, med school, and residency without understanding the grace and love of Christ. Oh, Shonda Rhimes, your characters make me sad.

Cat's End of Season TV Awards

I know this looks like I'm totally copying my favorite TV blog with this post, but I've actually been painstakingly compiling it for months because that's the kind of thing I think is fun to do. For the record, the very talented and TV saavy Ern and Leeard at Because We Watch Too Much TV have put together a far superior list of End of Season Awards, so check them out. In the meantime, here's my list. You'll notice that the list starts out conventionally enough, but becomes a free-for-all of shout outs to shows and actors and plots I've liked this season. But, hey, that's cool: I'm the only one reading my blog anyway!

Best Actor (comedy, female): Amy Poehler on Parks and Recreation
Best Actor (drama, female): [tie] Connie Britton on Friday Night Lights and Anna Torv on Fringe
Best Actor (comedy, male): Nick Offerman on Parks and Recreation
Best Actor (drama, male): Bill Paxton on Big Love

Best New Character, Proper: Blaine (Darren Criss) on Glee
Best New Character, Departed: Amber Tamblyn on House. It’s nice to see a character with uncompromised integrity not get completely snowed over by House. I miss Cameron.
Best Character that should be Annoying but is Actually Awesome: Rob Lowe does it again. His hyper-healthy perfectionist Chris on Parks and Recreation should be horrible, especially since he’s the thing keeping Leslie and Ben from being a real couple, but he’s is actually kind of sweet. It was also fun to see a new side of Anne this season post-breakup.
Worst New “Character”: Steven Tyler’s inanity on the American Idol judging panel. Dude, give them something!
Best/Most Manipulative Character Turnaround: April Kepner on Grey’s Anatomy. There’s some serious puppet-master shenanigans going on over there if that annoying girl who almost killed McDreamy is now more likable than about 50% of the main cast.
Best Character Transformation: Caroline on The Vampire Diaries. Used to be the “most killable character”, but it turns out that death was actually exactly what was needed.
Best Cartoon Character (in a good way): Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon on 30 Rock.
Character I think I’m Most Like: A combination of Payson Keeler on Make It or Break It and Liz Lemon (Although, I’m pretty sure about 60% of my friends also think they’re Liz Lemon. Well played, Ms Fey.)
Best Lovable Villain: Lauren Tanner (Cassie Scerbo) on Make It or Break It. No one oscillates between pure fruits of the Devil evil and sad, broken teenager in pain better.

Best kiss: April finally kisses Andy on Parks and Recreation, and not just because I want to make out with Chris Pratt, but because it was nice to see April put Andy out of his misery with a kiss every bit as surprising (to Andy) as Anne’s surprise smooch in the season 2 premiere.
Best New Couple: [tie] Leslie and Ben on Parks and Recreation and Olivia and Peter on Fringe
Best Couple on Any Shonda Rhimes Show: Calzona on Grey’s Anatomy
Cutest Surprise Couple: Sam and Mercedes on Glee
Most Awkward New Couple: Lexie and Avery on Grey’s Anatomy. It’s mostly his fault, too.
Most Awkward Couple, Proper: Bailey and that nurse on Grey’s Anatomy. Does anyone believe that would happen?
Best Wedding: (tie) Chuck and Sarah on Chuck, although I totally thought it was a fake-out until the credits rolled; and April and Andy on Parks and Recreation, which I totally did not see coming, but found it delightful nonetheless

Best Surprise Pregnancy: [tie] Christina on Parenthood (Btw, I totally called it at the beginning of the season) and Fauxlivia on Fringe
[TIE] Most Shocking (and unwelcome) Nighttime Soap Twist, AND Worst Surprise Pregnancy: Emily Kmetko’s pregnancy on Make It or Break It! NOOOOOO!!!

Best show: Friday Night Lights, for the fifth year running. Sadness.
Guiltiest Pleasure: Grey’s Anatomy. The shooting that wrapped up last season gave the oft-annoying show its mojo back, and propelled it back into the realm of interesting storylines and characters. As it turns out, Meredith actually is a good character.
Best Old-School Procedural: Blue Bloods
Show I Wish I Hadn’t Stopped Watching Five Years Ago: Smallville. The ads for the finale make it look epic.
Most Welcome Summer Programming: (Tie) In Plain Sight and So You Think You Can Dance
[Honorable Mention: Covert Affairs]
Show That’s Trying Too Hard: The Voice. It just feels awkward to me.
Easiest Shows to Drop from My Season Pass List: Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl. I’m done.
Best One Tree Hill Episode in Two Seasons (deserves its own category because anyone who watches the show knows it operates on another level of “realism” than other shows): The storm episode!!
Most Addictive New Reality Show: Sister Wives
Most Consistently Enjoyable Escapism: Glee. I don't need believable plots, characters, or schemes; I just want the Glee kids to entertain. Check.
Show that Makes Us Angry at Power-voting Teenage Girls and Moms: American Idol. Duh.
Show that Makes Me Gleefully Okay with Not Understanding Anything That’s Going On: The Good Wife.
Show I Keep Putting Off, But Still Really Want to Watch: [tie] Breaking Bad and Sons of Anarchy
Soon to be Best Family Show in a Post-FNL Era (Sniff): Parenthood
Best Show to Go Down Early: Lone Star
Best Canceled Show that Never Lived Up to Its Pilot: Life Unexpected (wah-wah-wah)
Funniest Friends-Wannabe in Five Years: Happy Endings
Best Ensemble Comedy to Grow Out of a Vehicle for One Person: Cougar Town
Canceled Show that Began with a Bang and Ended with a Whimper: Brothers and Sisters. Meh. Rob Lowe is now two for two in affecting good shows for the worst with his departure. (If Parks and Recreation wasn’t already awesome before it acquired him as a cast member, this statistic would be horrifying.)
Most Enjoyable Mystery Show: Pretty Little Liars. At this point, I honestly don’t care if we ever find out who “A” is because the show is so darn fun to watch.
Once-Great Show That’s Starting to Overstay Its Welcome: The Office
Show that I Believe to Be the Worst Scripted Drama on Television: The Secret Life of the American Teenager. If you watch it, you’ll be sorry.


Most Crush-Worthy Male (age-appropriate): [tie] Chris Pratt on Parks and Recreation and Zachary Levi on Chuck
Cougar Crush-Worthy Male: Steve McQueen, Jr. on The Vampire Diaries. You go, Bonnie!
Most Crush-Worthy Female: Anna Torv on Fringe. I can't be the only straight girl with a huge crush on her. [UPDATE: Turns out, I'm not!]
Most Hypnotizing Gaze: Ian Somerhalder on The Vampire Diaries


Best Castmember on a C or C+ (Maybe) Show: Ashley Tisdale on Hellcats
Best Recurring Guest Star: [tie] Mamie Gummer and Martha Plimpton on The Good Wife
Best Breakout Reality Star: Blake Shelton on The Voice. Post-haircut, Miranda-era Blake is great, right?!
Best Under the Radar Triple Threat: Heather Morris (Brittany S. Pierce) from Glee. The "Britney/Brittany" episode was all kinds of epic.
Best Under-the-Radar Acting: Nina Dobrev on The Vampire Diaries. Not just a pretty face, that one. Anyone can play the nice girl and anyone can play the villain, but what about at the same time?
Best Reason for an Actor to say, “Take That, SNL”: Casey Wilson is "am-aw-zing" on Happy Endings.
Best Reality Show Contestant: Haley Reinhart FTW!
Most Affecting Trauma Victim: KaDee Strickland’s Charlotte King on Private Practice. Seriously great performance, y'all.
Acting Award for Best Example of Someone Who Played an Irritating Character on One Show, but a Fantastic One on Another: Lauren Cohan's Rose on The Vampire Diaries was so obnoxious, but Cohan was hypnotizing as Vivien Volkoff on Chuck.
Busiest Actor/Musician: Donnie Wahlberg, who has a leading role on Blue Bloods and moonlights with the reunited New Kids on the Block/NKOTBSB. You might say he’s hangin’ tough. Heh.

Most Jaw-Dropping Moment on a Quality Program: Nate’s death on Southland. Did NOT see that coming.
Best Example of America Only Collectively Hating Certain Women, but Still Not Totally Liking Them: Lauren and Haley make the top 3 on Idol, clinching a female presence in the finale. But then they lost to another “cute boy”.
Most Surprisingly Gut-Wrenching Finale: Sister Wives. It made me feel angry at the government.
Best Inspirational Sports Moment: Payson’s Kerri Strug vault on Make It or Break It. You go, Payson! You land that vault on one leg to help the team!
Best Eating Disorder Storyline on Any Show in Recent Memory: Kayle Cruz’s Female Athlete Triad troubles on Make It or Break It. Awareness five!
Show that Cornered Itself with a Really Specific Gimmick without Thinking It would Run for 7 Seasons: How I Met Your Mother. We’re going to need a little revisionism to make those kids teenagers if Ted doesn’t meet the mother, like, tomorrow.

Best Original Song: “5,000 Candles in the Wind” on Parks and Recreation. MouseRat is kicking Glee's butt right now.
Best Haircut: Quinn's on the Glee finale
Best Invented Word from a TV Show: "Manamonster" (Manager + Mom + Monster. Heh.) from Make It or Break It.
Best Sports Network: Universal Sports. SUCH a better sports network for track geeks!
Worst Night to have a TiVo that Only Records Two Programs at a Time: Thursday. WTH, networks?!

One Tree Hill: "Darkness on the Edge of Town"

It might seem like I'm a little obsessed with this show, given how infrequently I blog and of those infrequent blog posts, how frequently I blog about this show. Well, I say nay to that, sir. I find its shenanigans refreshing, as it doesn't take itself too seriously these days, and I enjoy mocking it with love. I realized last night that of the long-running shows still on the air that I'm loyal to, I've been loyal to this one the longest. Now in its eighth season (I know, right?!), One Tree Hill has become a comfy, but tattered pair of sweatpants on my season pass list. Translation: I'm not throwing it out.

This week's episode featured a storm, so we knew some crazy s*** was going down in Tree Hill! Some of the series' best episodes have been storm episodes, and this one was up there with the best offenders. Let's start with the return of Psycho Katie (one of the best OTH psychos since Nanny Carrie!). I was trying to explain this to a friend last night, and realized just how manic it sounded, but here goes: Quinn was home alone on the stormy night, left vulnerable to attack by Clay being out of town, so of course Crazy Katie stalked in. We'd just seen her making crazy eyes to the camera in the last episode, so we knew it was coming. Of course the phones were down because of the storm, and a fallen tree was blocking the driveway, so Quinn had no choice but to dogfight that crazy lady all through the house. Point: Crazy Katie. At one point it looked like Crazy Katie was going to leave, which doesn't make any sense, since a tree was down in the driveway, but whatevs, so instead of letting Crazy Katie free to stalk another day, Quinn football tackled her off a balcony, causing them to fall in the pool. Then, Quinn played dead (just go with it), only to sneak back into the house and put the lone bullet she managed to recover (and keep dry) through the madness in the empty revolver and shoot Crazy Katie in the stomach. Point: Quinn. Then, it looked like Quinn went downstairs to clean stuff up, while Katie lay there bleeding. Eventually we saw some paramedics carting Katie to the hospital, so we know she was still alive, but this brings me to my next topic: where are all the first responders in Tree Hill?

Last week, Quinn contemplated murdering Crazy Katie, and it became clear that Quinn had tracked her down in Crazytown, or wherever Tree Hill psychos reside between bouts of terrorizing. My problem with this: shouldn't police be able to find her pretty easily? Both of Crazy Katie's shooting victims somehow survived to identify her. Tree Hill Police Department: FAIL.

Apparently the paramedics and firefighters in Tree Hill are as bad at their jobs as the cops, because the other major plot this week involved Brooke and co trying for the better part of an hour to get Jamie out of his seat belt after a car wreck (where else?) on a bridge. My favorite part was when the car fell off the bridge into the ravine, and Julian was all, "Don't worry, it's hit the bottom. The car's not sinking." Famous last words before the levy broke. I will admit that while I was watching this, I was pretty sure everyone was going to live, but I wasn't sure how they were going to get out of this pickle. Of course eventually everyone lived, and Jamie was reunited with his parents, who only had a boring flat tire through all this. But, seriously, we didn't even see the arrival of the worst first response team in the USA. Point: storm.

This is probably the last season of One Tree Hill, so we can only venture to guess that this will be its final storm episode. In my opinion, it was a fun one!

Also, has anyone else noticed that James Lafferty (Nathan) is looking more like Superman everyday? Not complaining, just observing.